Jokes for 97 98 99 00 01 02 03 04 05 06 08 or St. Stephen's HomePage
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charasmatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten - One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians with Reformed Theology: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholics: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Eight - One to call the electrician and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.
Mormons: Five. One to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem of compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three way, long life, and tinted - all of which are equally valid to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved - you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Suday, August 12th. Bring bulb of your choice and covered dish.
Nazarene: Six, one woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Dutch reformed: Change the light bulb? We've ALWAYS used this one.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
Thanks to Rev. William Peake for passing this one on to us!
There is the story of a parson who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an
Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor,
because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in
exhaust.
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
A minister waited in line to have his car
filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked
quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service
station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone
waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church and the center of attention.
Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce 10 commandments.!
A minister parked his car in a No Parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES.
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION.
A father was approached by his small son, who
told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you “know'
what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the Bible
mean?"
That's easy, Daddy. It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving
Earth.
Something for teachers...
Then Jesus took his disciples up in the mountain and gathering them around, He taught them saying:
BLESSED ARE THE POOR IN SPIRIT, FOR THEIRS IS THE KINGDOM OF
HEAVEN.
BLESSED ARE THE MEEK.
BLESSED ARE THEY THAT MOURN.
BLESSED ARE THE MERCIFUL.
BLESSED ARE THEY WHO THIRST FOR JUSTICE.
BLESSED ARE YOU WHEN PERSECUTED.
BLESSED ARE YOU WHEN YOU SUFFER.
BE GLAD AND REJOICE, FOR YOUR REWARD IS GREAT IN HEAVEN.
Then Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And Andrew said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And James said, "Will we have a test on this?"
And Phillip said, "I don't have any paper."
And Bartholohew said, "Do we have to turn this in?"
And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."
And Matthew said, "Can I go to the boy's room?"
And Judas said, "What does this have to do with real life?"
Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus lesson plan and inquired of Jesus, "What are the objectives in the cognitive domain and your plans for remediation?"
JESUS WEPT.
Thanks, from a retired educator.